Monthly Archives: July 2013

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Cancel the NFL Pro Bowl

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Since 1951, the NFL has had the Pro Bowl at the end of the season. In recent years it has been the week before the Super Bowl. It’s the game where the best players in the NFL are divided into two teams to see who is the best of the best. The problem is that we don’t ever see that anymore.

The Best Never Give Their Best

The players are there for their Hawaiian vacation and because they were selected to be there. They have no reason to give it their all. It’s basically watching people phone it in the whole time. I’ve never been able to sit through one of these games because they are horrible to watch. The last few years have been worse with the Super Bowl the week after. That means the people on the two teams playing in the Super Bowl won’t even show up for the Pro Bowl. We’re already being robbed of seeing the best of the best. It’s a bunch of crap.

The Game Doesn’t Mean Anything

There are no stakes to this game. The only reason to watch is to cheer on your favorite players. I guess that can be fun. If your team is in the Super Bowl, you have no reason to watch the game. Hell, I wish my team’s players were playing in the Super Bowl instead of the Pro Bowl. I watch the Super Bowl. It’s a real competitive game. The Pro Bowl is a nice relaxing time on the beach.

The Rules aren’t Football

The game of football is basically neutered when you watch the Pro Bowl. Nobody wants their players to get hurt. They might as well be playing flag football. You aren’t even allowed to blitz. What’s the fun in watching that! The offense basically gets to have its way in this game. Most Pro Bowls have scores in the 50s. I watch Arena Football for those scores not the NFL. (Quick plug: Arena Football Playoffs start this week)

The 2014 Game is Going the Draft Route

Announced today was another change to the Pro Bowl. The teams will now be drafted by the two players who receive the highest amount of votes. Gone are the AFC and NFC affiliations. Now we have the high school solution of picking the kids you like to play with you. I guess the NFL is also letting some veterans in Deion Sanders and Jerry Rice help pick the teams along with two Fantasy Football winners. That’s just dumb. Let the fans vote on who they want on the teams. Better yet, cancel the game.

Seriously! Cancel the NFL Pro Bowl!

This new publicity stunt isn’t going to get people to watch. We don’t care about it. The real game is the week after. That’s the one we want to watch. They even changed the rules to get rid of kickoffs. Kickoffs are one of the best parts of football! You can’t get rid of that. I’m with Josh Cribbs who thinks the game has now become “tainted” without the kick return. Just cancel the game and give people a nice little plaque saying they were selected to the Pro Bowl even though it’s not played anymore. The Hall of Fame Game is more football than the Pro Bowl. That’s pretty embarrassing. Only play the Pro Bowl if you are going to play it like a real game.

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10 Things I Know about the Pope

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The Pope made some news today with some comments he made. I figured I would take some time to write what I know about the Pope. I’m going to say right now that I’m not a very religious guy. Some people might call me an atheist or an agnostic. I’d just say I don’t really give a crap. With that said, here are 10 things I know about Pope Francis

1. He Doesn’t Seem to Hate Gay People

Today, the Pope said, “Who am I to judge?” when it comes to gay people seeking God. I guess I take that as if gay people like God, then Francis is okay with that. He still might hate gay people who don’t like God though. The jury is out on that one. Francis still broke new ground with this statement. I’m sure it sent some Catholics into an uproar which always makes me happy. Now if only he would come around on gay marriage.

2. He Doesn’t Look Like Emperor Palpatine

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The last pope looked like Emperor Palpatine from Star Wars. Francis does not. These are positive changes by the Catholic Church. It’s hard to relate to a pope that looks like he could strike me down with lightning. This new pope actually looks like a nice guy. He appears to be nice since he might like gay people. Palpatine Pope didn’t like the gays.

3. Francis Thinks Atheists Can be Redeemed Too

Francis once said that all who do good can be redeemed by God. He included atheists in that group. That brings hope to guys like me, and my atheist buddies. All we have to do is good things, and we are saved! Not that we care, but it’s good to have that in our back pocket just in case. Thank you, Pope Francis!

4. He May or May Not be the Last Pope in the Prophecy of the Popes

Some guy named Saint Malachy once wrote out a list of Popes hundreds of years ago, and our current Pope is last on the list. The accuracy of this list is up to debate, but there are some coincidences here and there. The last pope on the list is said to bring the start of the apocalypse, and that has yet to be seen with this pope. It could still happen. I’m not doubting it. Hopefully this pope list is a bunch of crap, and we can all live out our lives.

5. He Will Never Appear on Keeping Up with the Kardashians

I’m going out on a limb here and saying this one. It doesn’t seem like a show he would care to be on. I highly doubt he will ever date any of the Kardashians. As pope, he is not allowed to date anybody. Odds are Bruce Jenner won’t be going on any skiing trips with Francis. Maybe when Kendall Jenner turns 18, he will seek her out and start an affair to get on the show. It’s possible.

6. He Shouldn’t Play Batman in the Batman/Superman Movie

I already listed the 10 guys I believe should play Batman the other day in the next movie. Pope Francis was not on that list. I don’t think he has the acting chops to pull off the Dark Knight. I mean it might be comical to watch Francis donning the cape, and trying to fight crime along with Henry Cavill’s Superman. It’s not a film I want to see though. The pope should be doing pope things. He shouldn’t be the Batman. That’s Batman’s job. Everybody knows that Batman is more important than the pope.

7. He’s Likely a Virgin

I mentioned earlier that popes can’t date. Popes don’t usually have sex either. It sucks to be them. I mean some popes have broken that rule because they realized having sex trumps doing their Catholic duties. Francis doesn’t seem like a rule breaker. I’m hoping he was able to get some before he became all religious, so he doesn’t have to worry about never having any sex.

8. You Can Follow Him on Twitter

@Pontifex is his Twitter handle. He talks about exciting things like his trip to Rio. I have no clue if he actually runs the account himself. I hope so. You can expect a lot of talk about Jesus and praying from him. I wouldn’t expect him to talk about the current Major League Baseball season. He actually seems to tweet quite frequently which is odd to me. He even knows how to use hashtags. Either this pope is very hip or he has a good PR team.

9. The Pope Won’t Tweet You Back

Francis is a selfish twitter user. The kind of person who never answers tweets given to him. I tweeted him months ago saying that I would convert to Catholicism if he tweeted me back. I never got that tweet. Hell, I didn’t even get a direct message. I would have accepted that. Pope Francis ignored me like most celebrities do. I probably would have gone along with it too. I might have even gone to church. Maybe Francis didn’t think I was sincere, and that’s why he didn’t tweet back.

10. He’s American! Fuck Yeah!

Well, he’s South American. Born in Argentina. He’s still American to me! I can almost relate to him. We were both born in the Western Hemisphere after all. Francis is the first of his kind. No American has ever been pope before. Maybe it will open the floodgates for more American popes. Maybe even one from the United States. What’s that? Am I putting my name into the goblet of fire? I’d be a great pope. Then again, I could also be that pope that brings the end of the world. They wouldn’t accept me anyways unless this new pope changes the rules and allows non-Catholics. Come on Francis! Make my dreams come true!

There you have it! Those are 10 things I know about Pope Francis. I think I will send him a tweet, and see what he’s up to. I suggest everyone do that same.

Peace out,

The Great Nodnarb

Follow me on Twitter like Pope Francis. My twitter handle is @BigBBrown

Why do I have so many nicknames for myself?

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Pokedex Review #5: Charmeleon

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Aww Yeah! Now we’re talking. At level 16, that cute Charmander turns into a kickass Charmeleon. Just look at his face. He’s ready to smash some cute Pokemon into the ground. When you get a Charmeleon, that’s when the cool fire moves start to come. Well, they come in the later generations. He gets pretty normal moves like slash in Red and Blue, but that is an effective move too.

In Red and Blue, you are pretty set once you get Charmeleon. You shouldn’t have to worry about any puny gym leader or Team Rocket scum beating you. Charmeleon will slash the crap out of them.

I should mention how much I like the name Charmeleon. It sounds so cool. You have your own Fire Chameleon! It’s a shame that Charmeleon doesn’t seem to have any chameleon like qualities. If he does, then someone should tell me!

Ash’s Charmeleon in the anime was a dick just like all his forms would be. That’s why he was always my favorite of Ash’s Pokemon in the anime. He didn’t like him. I don’t blame him. Ash is an idiot. Here’s a video of Charmander evolving into Charmeleon! Well, the Latino version! Burn Ash’s head off, Charmeleon!

Charmeleon gets a 9 out of 10 from Nodnarb

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Top 10 Guys that I want as Batman

With news of an upcoming Batman/Superman movie from the San Diego Comic Con, a lot of people have been putting together lists of people they want to see as the Caped Crusader. They usually go with guys they think would make a great Batman. Most people I have seen have been decent choices. I could never see a Bradley Cooper or Ryan Gosling as Batman though. Bradley Cooper will always be that douche from Wedding Crashers to me, and Ryan Gosling will always be that guy who is not Ryan Reynolds. You can tell me how great Drive is all you want! All I can say is don’t watch it while you have been drinking.

My top 10 list of people will not be the best choices. Most of them won’t even be good. Hell, they are all going to be pretty bad. This is just a top 10 list of people who would entertain me if they played Batman next to Henry Cavill’s Superman. Here we go!

#10 John Cena

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This is actually a rumor I read about today. Current WWE Champion John Cena playing Batman. Cena would have to take a lot of time off of pro wrestling to do this role which is fine by me. Nobody is more boring to watch in wrestling than John Cena. His act is beyond stale at this point, but people watch him so that’s cool. He still puts on good matches. It’s time for him to step into a new role though. We want him as the Dark Knight! SuperCena vs. Superman on the big screen. Cena has done some acting in his time with movies like The Marine and 12 Rounds which are entertaining crapfests. That’s what I want from my Batman/Superman movie. Entertaining schlock. Watching Cena try to act his way as Bruce Wayne and Batman will make me laugh for weeks. Make it happen DC!

#9 Nicolas Cage

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The once almost Superman would be a great Batman. He could finally get his revenge by beating up the character he almost was. Almost everything Nic Cage is in entertains me. The man is usually never boring. He can be a vampire or a guy searching for treasure. Cage is awesome. A crazed Cage Batman/Bruce Wayne would provide many great moments with Henry Cavill wondering what the hell is wrong with this guy. Cage even makes the alphabet exciting.

#8 Jaleel White

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I’ll be honest. I’ve been on a Family Matters kick lately. I love watching Jaleel White as Steve Urkel getting into hijinks with Carl Winslow. White’s acting talents really shined through on the show. He played multiple characters throughout his time on Family Matters. He played the nerd in Steve Urkel, the suave Stefan Urquelle, the Detroit thug OGD, Bruce Lee Urkel, Elvis Urkel, and even Steve’s cousin: Myrtle Urkel. Jaleel White can do it all. He could easily pull off the dual identity of Bruce Wayne and Batman. He even played Super Urkel one time. He has experience as a superhero. It’s time for the Dark Urkel to rise.

#7 Adam West

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Here’s a man with plenty of experience as Batman. Adam West today is known for being the crazy mayor of Quahog on Family guy. Back in the 60s though, he was the Batman. I say it’s time to bring him back. It would be great to put the 60s Batman series in the same universe as Man of Steel. I heard talks of a possible Batman Beyond film before the Batman/Superman film was announced. I figured they might as well combine the films. Let an old Batman show this new Superman the way. I’d find that to be awesome.

#6: Henry Cavill

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You might be confused now. Cavill is Superman! He’s the Man of Steel! He can’t also be Batman! In my world he can be! Watching Cavill act opposite himself would be hilarious. He can play the brooding Batman and the happy Superman. He already played a brooding Superman. It’s time to split the roles. Imagine the fight scenes against himself or the awkward dialogue scenes with himself. It’s a hilarious film waiting to happen.

#5 Robert Pattinson

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The backlash alone from casting Edward from Twilight as Batman would be so worth him getting the role. I wouldn’t even need to watch the film. I’d be happy just for the negative response. It would be even better if he actually pulled off the performance and did pretty well. I say give him a chance! We want Edward as Batman! I mean you all liked him as Cedric Diggory. Give him another try! It’s either him or Taylor Lautner.

#4 Hayden Christensen

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Speaking of guys who need one more chance, poor Hayden here is hated by a lot of people for ruining Star Wars. He’s not that bad of an actor. I blame poor direction by that George Lucas fellow for the failure of the Star Wars prequels. I figure there would be a lot of backlash here as well. I say give him a shot. He might impress some people. He could also fail in an unbelievable way. It’s a win win situation. They should totally make a Batman Star Wars film, but that’s another subject.

#3 Jensen Ackles

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This is actually a pretty legit choice for Batman. I’m a huge Supernatural fan so I would love to seen Jensen as Batman. While the other choices on my list have been for laughs, this one is serious. Ackles has just missed on being Superman on Smallville as well as being Captain America. He did a great job in the animated film Batman: Under the Red Hood, so I consider Jensen to be a great choice. Plus this scene from Supernatural is awesome.

#2 Jason David Frank

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What do you get when you cross the Green Ranger with Batman? Pure Awesome! I’ve seen JDF kick so much ass since I was young. It’s been forever since I’ve seen him kick ass on the big screen. JDF has worn 5 different Power Ranger costumes. I think it’s time he dons the cape of the Dark Knight. Being a Power Ranger is already like playing Batman with the secret identity. The Red Ranger in Power Rangers: Dino Thunder even mentioned Batman’s name in the same sentence as the great  Tommy Oliver. They gave Tommy a Batcave pretty much in Dino Thunder! Make him Batman!

#1 Tommy Wiseau

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Tommy Wiseau is the worst choice possible to play Batman which makes him my favorite choice of the bunch. The man can’t act, but he’s so hilarious at his ineptitude. If you’ve seen The Room, then you know what I’m talking about. Go watch it if you haven’t. It’s awesome. I’d laugh my ass off watching Tommy Wiseau as Batman. Warner Brothers needs this to happen. Marvel films would all suck in comparison to Tommy Wiseau as Batman. Here’s Tommy dubbed into The Dark Knight.

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Pokedex Review #4: Charmander

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I’m going out of order with my Pokemon reviews at the moment. I’ll get to Blastoise another day. Today we go over Charmander. While the ladies loved Squirtle, Charmander was my go to Pokemon to impress the girls. I flashed that picture of him from the Pokemon Handbook and the girls would love him! Then I would flip the page to like Muk or something and they would be all like “ew”.

Charmander was my preferred started for Pokemon Red and Blue. It wasn’t easy using Charmander first. Those first two gyms are a pain in the ass with Charmander. Misty’s Starmie still gives me nightmares. It’s worth it in the end though to go with Charmander because he becomes a badass.

I always remember Charmander just having scratch at the beginning of the game. When you finally get a fire move like ember, that’s when shit picks up. I’d usually give him cut or something too when I was young.

I remember when his flame went out on the anime. Poor little guy. Here’s a treat I found on youtube! The full episode of meeting Charmander!

 

I’d give Charmander an 8 out of 10

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Great Georges in History

With the birth of Prince George Alexander Louis to Prince William and Kate Middleton, I figured it was time to look at some famous people named George. I’m going to limit this to ten people named George. I’m going to go with the first ten that come to my mind. Let’s get this going with…

George Washington

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The First President of the United States! Washington is probably the most famous George in American history. The legend of Washington has grown since that time. People actually started to sour on him during his second term, but history still shows he’s a very influential figure. His work during the Revolution is what people still look back at when they think of George Washington.

George Herman Ruth

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Most people tend to forget that this man is a George. Instead they know him as the Babe. Babe Ruth is one of the most popular players in sports history. He’s reached a mythical status when you think of baseball. All you have to do is watch The Sandlot to figure that out. The Bambino was a pretty big alcoholic during his time, but he was a great slugger when it came to baseball. He also could pitch pretty well too during his early years. If you are a fan of baseball, and you don’t know the Babe then you don’t know baseball.

George Feeny

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So I included a fictional character on this list, he was the third George that came to mind. George Feeny is a character from the 90s show Boy Meets World portrayed by William Daniels. Mr. Feeny would teach and mentor the central characters on the show. Almost every episode he would teach them a great lesson. I’ve always wanted a teacher like Mr. Feeny. He could teach 6th grade, high school, college, and he could even be a principal. This George appreciated history and history will show him as a great fictional George.

Gorgeous George

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Born George Wagner, this George became the first star of professional wrestling. While other wrestlers like Lou Thesz were recognized for their great technical wrestling skills, Gorgeous George was known for his flamboyance. He became the first real character in professional wrestling. Wrestlers to this day have to thank George. People like Ric Flair or Hulk Hogan learned to be charismatic from George. Muhammad Ali even said that Gorgeous George influenced him and his attitude. People loved to hate George and for that he became a great George.

Boy George

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Another flamboyant George to add the list. Boy George is known for the band Culture Club. The band came around during the 80s when flamboyance was at its height. George dressed in silly costumes, and weird makeup which added to the act. I can’t think of much else to say about him. He was arrested for assault and false imprisonment. That’s about all I got on him.

George Harrison

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We go from Culture Club to the Beatles. I’d say those are two very different British bands. George Harrison played the lead guitar for the Beatles. He helped make up the four man group that would change music forever. His guitar work would provide a big influence on the guitar players at the time. He himself was influenced by the works of guys like Chuck Berry. George did some work on his own, but he will forever be a Beatle in our hearts.

George Lopez

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Here’s a pretty funny guy! George Lopez is known for his own show he used to have named after him. It can still be seen on Nick at Nite. Lopez also has a pretty good standup career which is where he got his comedy career going. I remember he had a late night talk show too, but that didn’t last very long. He doesn’t like Carlos Mencia because he stole some of his jokes or something. I wouldn’t like him for that either.

George Clooney

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You may know him as America’s most well known bachelor, but I know him as the Batman with the nipple suit. Clooney has dated many women over the years with Stacy Kiebler being the most recent one I can recall. No woman can tame Clooney though. Clooney spent a few years on E.R. before moving to the big screen. These days he makes big money from movies. He’s been picking up awards from all kinds of places for his work an actor, director, and screenwriter. Clooney is getting it done, but he will never live down being in Batman and Robin.

Curious George

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My favorite fictional monkey is the next George on this list. I loved Curious George as a kid. I would read the books all the time. These days the kids get a nifty PBS show. He’d always be getting into trouble. George never stopped monkeying around, and why should he! He’s a monkey! All monkeys should eat bananas and cause trouble.

George Lucas

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Oh George! He’s known as the man who created Star Wars. He also ruined Star Wars, but we’ll cut him a break for creating it. Lucas has caught some flack in recent years especially from me, but he is a famous George. He’s been criticized for changing the original Star Wars series, and for directing shitty prequel movies, but he still has his place as a George. We can’t rewrite history and give him another name. He’ll gladly rewrite his own Star Wars history though. I’ll stop complaining about George Lucas now. I thank him for Star Wars.

There you go! Those were the first 10 Georges on my mind. Who is your favorite George? I just remembered a few I forgot.

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Ryan Braun is a Douche

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Yesterday, Ryan Braun was suspended for the entire Major League Baseball season. He lied his ass off denying he was taking anything. A lot of MLB players have lied about taking performance enhancers. Mark McGwire comes to my mind first. My problem with Braun was that he was such a douche about it. I was rooting for him to be guilty because I didn’t like the guy. The media would ask him about it, and he would give such a douchey response. He is a former MVP. Show some class.

Braun will be gone the rest of the season. It’s too bad they can’t suspend his career. Oh well. Maybe he will get caught again and we can all celebrate. Enjoy your vacation, douche!

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Pokedex Review #8: Wartortle

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It’s level 16 for Squirtle and that means it is time to become Wartortle. Wartortle is pretty awesome. He has that funky tail that’s cool. Those weird ears that stick out. He’s pretty much an improvement over Squirtle in every way. Gone is that Squirtle cuteness. It’s been replaced with coolness.

I think it would be funny to watch someone surf on a Wartortle in real life. I don’t think there would be a lot of room. Not much else to say about this Pokemon. It’s a fun water type Pokemon that you get if you choose Squirtle as your starting Pokemon. It’s awesome!

I should mention a Wartortle Squad exists. Not as cool as Squirtle Squad, but still cool.

 

I give Wartortle a 9 out of 10

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Bob Barr Won’t Stop Emailing Me

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Bob Barr ran for President in 2008 on the Libertarian ticket. I signed up for his email because I thought 3rd party candidates always got a raw deal when I was younger. Bob was my 3rd party guy that year! I had no clue what his views on anything were. I didn’t give a damn. I really wasn’t into politics at the time. 2008 was the first time I was able to vote since I made the cutoff by a month. I didn’t vote though. I didn’t care. I figured Obama would win and he did just that.

My point here though is that Bob Barr hasn’t stopped emailing me. It’s been 5 years! Give it up! I don’t care! I know I can unsubscribe from his emails, but he should just learn to stop sending me messages. I had the same problem with Obama and his people during the 2012 election. They kept emailing me. Stop it! I’m not giving you any money. You politicians make enough money off of us. We aren’t giving you more. Assholes. Take all the money spent on your dumb campaigns and we could solve some of the world’s problems.

So stop emailing me, Bob Barr!

Sincerely,

The Great Nodnarb

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WOO! Royal Baby!

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So Prince William and Catherine, Dutchess of Cambridge finally had their baby. It’s not the one pictured above. That’s just a baby with a crown from Google images. My thoughts on the subject. I’m just glad Prince William was able to get her to have sex with him. I figured he would have had trouble with that. His hairline is receding after all. I guess they had a boy. He becomes another poor bastard waiting for the Queen to die. I hope that never happens. I will never accept Prince Charles as my king! Oh wait, I’m American. I have no kings or queens. Too bad.

I wonder what all they will do with this baby. I wish I was born into royalty. I wouldn’t have to work a day in my life. Lucky little bastard. This kid will make more money on his first birthday than I have my whole life. I watched a video on people in Senegal today. They work hard just to get some salt out of their Pink Lake. Let’s see how this royal baby does in those conditions. He’d fail just like me.

I’m hoping the baby turns out gay. We need more gay royalty. I wonder if they’d kick him out for that. Why am I writing about this? I’m bored. That’s it. I’m also starving. That baby probably getting a great meal tonight. I’m getting shit! Damn middle class family i live in! That’s the breaks of life. Some men are born into power. Other men have to achieve power or else they are digging salt out of the lake.

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