10 Things I Know about the Pope


The Pope made some news today with some comments he made. I figured I would take some time to write what I know about the Pope. I’m going to say right now that I’m not a very religious guy. Some people might call me an atheist or an agnostic. I’d just say I don’t really give a crap. With that said, here are 10 things I know about Pope Francis

1. He Doesn’t Seem to Hate Gay People

Today, the Pope said, “Who am I to judge?” when it comes to gay people seeking God. I guess I take that as if gay people like God, then Francis is okay with that. He still might hate gay people who don’t like God though. The jury is out on that one. Francis still broke new ground with this statement. I’m sure it sent some Catholics into an uproar which always makes me happy. Now if only he would come around on gay marriage.

2. He Doesn’t Look Like Emperor Palpatine


The last pope looked like Emperor Palpatine from Star Wars. Francis does not. These are positive changes by the Catholic Church. It’s hard to relate to a pope that looks like he could strike me down with lightning. This new pope actually looks like a nice guy. He appears to be nice since he might like gay people. Palpatine Pope didn’t like the gays.

3. Francis Thinks Atheists Can be Redeemed Too

Francis once said that all who do good can be redeemed by God. He included atheists in that group. That brings hope to guys like me, and my atheist buddies. All we have to do is good things, and we are saved! Not that we care, but it’s good to have that in our back pocket just in case. Thank you, Pope Francis!

4. He May or May Not be the Last Pope in the Prophecy of the Popes

Some guy named Saint Malachy once wrote out a list of Popes hundreds of years ago, and our current Pope is last on the list. The accuracy of this list is up to debate, but there are some coincidences here and there. The last pope on the list is said to bring the start of the apocalypse, and that has yet to be seen with this pope. It could still happen. I’m not doubting it. Hopefully this pope list is a bunch of crap, and we can all live out our lives.

5. He Will Never Appear on Keeping Up with the Kardashians

I’m going out on a limb here and saying this one. It doesn’t seem like a show he would care to be on. I highly doubt he will ever date any of the Kardashians. As pope, he is not allowed to date anybody. Odds are Bruce Jenner won’t be going on any skiing trips with Francis. Maybe when Kendall Jenner turns 18, he will seek her out and start an affair to get on the show. It’s possible.

6. He Shouldn’t Play Batman in the Batman/Superman Movie

I already listed the 10 guys I believe should play Batman the other day in the next movie. Pope Francis was not on that list. I don’t think he has the acting chops to pull off the Dark Knight. I mean it might be comical to watch Francis donning the cape, and trying to fight crime along with Henry Cavill’s Superman. It’s not a film I want to see though. The pope should be doing pope things. He shouldn’t be the Batman. That’s Batman’s job. Everybody knows that Batman is more important than the pope.

7. He’s Likely a Virgin

I mentioned earlier that popes can’t date. Popes don’t usually have sex either. It sucks to be them. I mean some popes have broken that rule because they realized having sex trumps doing their Catholic duties. Francis doesn’t seem like a rule breaker. I’m hoping he was able to get some before he became all religious, so he doesn’t have to worry about never having any sex.

8. You Can Follow Him on Twitter

@Pontifex is his Twitter handle. He talks about exciting things like his trip to Rio. I have no clue if he actually runs the account himself. I hope so. You can expect a lot of talk about Jesus and praying from him. I wouldn’t expect him to talk about the current Major League Baseball season. He actually seems to tweet quite frequently which is odd to me. He even knows how to use hashtags. Either this pope is very hip or he has a good PR team.

9. The Pope Won’t Tweet You Back

Francis is a selfish twitter user. The kind of person who never answers tweets given to him. I tweeted him months ago saying that I would convert to Catholicism if he tweeted me back. I never got that tweet. Hell, I didn’t even get a direct message. I would have accepted that. Pope Francis ignored me like most celebrities do. I probably would have gone along with it too. I might have even gone to church. Maybe Francis didn’t think I was sincere, and that’s why he didn’t tweet back.

10. He’s American! Fuck Yeah!

Well, he’s South American. Born in Argentina. He’s still American to me! I can almost relate to him. We were both born in the Western Hemisphere after all. Francis is the first of his kind. No American has ever been pope before. Maybe it will open the floodgates for more American popes. Maybe even one from the United States. What’s that? Am I putting my name into the goblet of fire? I’d be a great pope. Then again, I could also be that pope that brings the end of the world. They wouldn’t accept me anyways unless this new pope changes the rules and allows non-Catholics. Come on Francis! Make my dreams come true!

There you have it! Those are 10 things I know about Pope Francis. I think I will send him a tweet, and see what he’s up to. I suggest everyone do that same.

Peace out,

The Great Nodnarb

Follow me on Twitter like Pope Francis. My twitter handle is @BigBBrown

Why do I have so many nicknames for myself?


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