Halloween Havoc 2013 Day 22: Sorority House Massacre

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I can’t resist some of these film titles. This one just screams good time. There’s a sorority house and there’s a massacre. What’s not to love! Will I end up disappointed? Come with me on this journey and found out. It’s a commentary night. Let’s watch Sorority House Massacre!!!!!!

Oooh, Concorde Presents! Creepy dark music starts the film. I’m scared already! Gotta love 80s title screens. Plain letters for Sorority House and then Massacre in blood red with it splattering on the screen. Our movie has started. Wait? Why is this girl in a hospital bed? This isn’t Hospital Massacre. Maybe she’s telling the film in flashback. So I guess she moved into a new house. Not sure why they are giving us a first person view of it with creepy music. Oh no! Scary little girl! I’m lost at this point. At the sorority house now. The sorority leader is showing the girl from the hospital to her room. Holy shit! The guy who does the voice of Lord Zedd is in this film. Robert Axelrod is the man! I’ve never seen him in a live action role before.

Good lord this film is weird so far. Why is this girl talking to three little girls outside this weird house? This isn’t Nightmare on Elm Street Part IV: The Dream Master. This is Sorority House Massacre! This film should only take place in a sorority house with them all being picked off one by one. Why all these strange bullshit! Why is the main girl at a dinner table with kids that all have weird deformed faces? Why is there blood dripping on the candles and the rest of the table? What is bleeding in the room above? She goes upstairs and blood is still dripping. Oh, it was all a dream. Some girl named Sara walks into Beth’s room. Her name is Beth. She has some kind of mark on her that she says she’s had for a long time.

Finally getting some sorority house scenes! It’s just a lot of girls wanting to exchange clothes. Boob shot out of the shower while Beth is looking in the mirror. Beth has some problems. Random cutaway to cut getting out of restraints. I think I recall Lord Zedd putting him away earlier in the film. Beth sees some guy in the mirror who comically stabs at it. I wonder if he killed her aunt. Her aunt died so I should mention that. In the psych ward, this guy is banging around his room. Back to the girls leaving the sorority house. Their clothes are so hilariously bad. 80s fashion should never come back. Well, maybe it should. Return to the psych ward, they are about to do something to the guy in the room. At school, our girls aren’t paying much attention in class. Too bad since the one class was talking about death and how people don’t always consider their own mortality. Beth’s teacher is talking about foreshadowing, deja vu, and other stuff like that while she sees bloody guys outside.

Some geek is talking cat brainwaves. A guess a cat had kittens and they killed them while the cat was far away. The cat meowed each time one died. Not sure if tests like that actually work. The 80s hair does work very well with the fashion. These doctors are still trying to test this guy in the psych ward. They have him hooked up to a machine. I’m pretty sure the guy in the psych ward is the guy that Beth has been seeing. They seem to have a weird emotional link. I guess it’s like those cats. Only four girls including Beth are in sorority house now. Time to try on clothes! Montage!!!!! Second boob shot included. The three girls seem to have way more fun than Beth. Beth isn’t even trying on clothes! A few more boob shots. The music is so 80s. I spy a Twisted Sister poster on the wall. Dee Snider should be embarrassed to be in this film in poster form.

Return to psych ward. Dumb orderly wears his headphones going into a room with a crazy guy. Dumb idea since he’s killed. The crazy escapes because of this. Beth tells her story to the girls. She explains her dreams while one girl says it is all in her subconscious. Scenes of our bad guy running! First person running! Climb that cage! He’s going to the hardware store now while the girls drink. HAHA. He just busts the knife thing and the guy running the place decides the best plan is to walk right up to him. He deserved to get stabbed. The girls are reading dream books. Knives are phallic symbols! Is Beth afraid of sex?!

Our bad guy is committing grand theft auto. He didn’t pick the greatest car in the world, but it gets the job done. The killer apparently knew exactly what sorority house to go to, but….swerve. Not the killer. It’s just boyfriends! Lord Zedd is back at the psych ward and he sees a guy in bed which is a dead body. Zedd doesn’t bother checking to make sure though. Boyfriends are talking and making out and shit. Oh wait, Lord Zedd has noticed our killer is missing. Good for him! Lots of back and forth between the house and ward. Lord Zedd is describing what the killer looks like. He doesn’t have his background. The boyfriends are telling ghosts stories. The one with glasses is such a dork. One guy is telling a story and they are showing it for some reason. Beth must be imagining it since she’s a weirdo. The story took place in the sorority house 15 years ago. Maybe that psycho is that killer and Beth was one of the little girls he tried to murder.

Beth is talking to some guy. I guess that’s her date. He seems to be strange. Everyone but Beth is watching a scary movie on television now. Beth went to bed. I’m expecting weird dreams. I would be correct. She wakes up to see everyone staring at her. One girl goes outside to fix the lights. Someone is sneaking up on her and………it’s a boyfriend again. She knees him in the balls. He wants to sleep with her in this teepee they have. The bad guy has officially arrived! Oh good! Let’s kill some people already. Beth explains her dream that she’s always in the house but everything is different. She seems to know the guy in the dream. My theory from earlier seems correct. She remembers a vision of a knife being put in the fireplace. They decide to check it. The knife is there! The murder weapon from all those years ago! One girl thinks they are playing a prank while another thinks Beth is psychic. Either way, the knife ends up being thrown back int he fire.

Lord Zedd is still calling people saying that Robert Hinkle has escaped. It is confirmed that he killed five members of his family and only a little girl survived. Theory pretty much confirmed at this point. The guy with glasses decides to leave. He runs right into Robert Hinkle and gets a knife in him for his troubles. Meanwhile, they are doing some sort of hypnosis thing so Beth can remember her dreams. Beth sees Bobby in these dreams. She calls him Bobby and she says he is her brother. She was only five then. I guess her name was Laura too. I do recall him saying that name earlier which confused me. This is very Halloweenish. One doofus girl thinks Beth is having a past life experience. The other girls don’t buy that shit.

The one girl and her boyfriend go outside to that teepee. Boob shot. Too bad Bobby is going to ruin their good time. He enjoys stabbing through teepees. Bobby stabs the fuck out of that thing and he kills Tracy with a stab to the heart. Craig runs away from Bobby while he is naked. I guess he didn’t want to fight him. They try the phones, but that shit is cut. Phones aren’t worth shit in 80s films. These days the phones just can’t get reception in slasher films. Beth must be dreaming again. She’s sees a picture of little girls and the picture starts to bleed. I guess those are her sisters and that explains the little girls from earlier in the film. It’s all coming together.

Bobby grabs his knife out of the fireplace. He tries to kills Beth and someone else. Oops. He did kill John. The four people left are hiding out in a room. Bobby wants them dead! Scream out that window for help! It might work! Thank god they have a fire ladder! I think I’d stay in that room a little longer. Doofus girl thinks Bobby is gone and that they should go out the front door. I hope she dies next. My prediction is Craig though since he’s going down the fire ladder first. I’m correct again! Down goes Craig! Haha. Linda asks Craig to hold the ladder still, but Bobby does it for her. Bobby is fast climbing that ladder.  He makes it to the window. They managed to pull Linda in. They smash Bobby’s hands and he falls to the ground from a good height. Doofus thinks he is dead. I’d stay in that room a little longer. They go with the front door strategy instead. Andy, the glasses guy, is dead at the front door. The girls lock everything. Beth has her marble vision again as Bobby jumps through a window. Beth recognizes Bobby as the guy from her dream. They should have just stayed barricaded in that room.

The three girls are all outside now as Bobby walks towards them. Doofus girl thinks Bobby is after her. Bobby stabs the hell out of her. Good riddance. He was calling her Janet for some reason and seeing weird visions too. It’s down to Beth and Linda. The police have arrived. Beth and Linda are still hiding. Beth tells Linda that John’s story was true and that she is Bobby’s sister. Laura is Beth’s first name since Beth is her middle name. She explains they have some weird connection. The girls are making some kinds of plans, but Bobby has found them finally. Beth swings some weapons at Bobby, but she fails miserably. Bobby goes to kill Beth, but Linda smacks him in the head. She then swings at him a few more times. They think he’s dead, but of course he isn’t. He gets one good stab at Linda. This is why you should always finish the job on these killers. So Linda is dead. It’s down to Bobby and Beth. Bobby crawls at Beth grabbing at her feet. Both of them are on the floor. Beth reaches for the knife that he used all those years ago. She stabs him in the neck. I’m hoping Bobby is dead for good. Beth is in the hospital now recovering. She still has bad dreams of Bobby. Sucks to be her. The end!

Final Thoughts

It’s your typical slasher film. It’s not groundbreaking by any means. It borrows a lot of elements from earlier films in the genre and doesn’t do them as well. It can be really confusing at times with all the strange flashbacks. It’s also a bit on the boring side. Not much happens for a while except some mild character building. 80s clothes changing boobs montage does not make your movie great! I did like that they were friendly to Beth about the strange dreams crap. So I guess I liked the characters to that extent. The film is pretty predictable. Bobby isn’t really an interesting killer. He’s basically the poor man’s Michael Myers. That makes sense since this is the poor man’s Halloween. I recommend it to people who like 80s slasher films. Even the shitty ones. Everyone else should stay away.

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