October is still moving along pretty nicely. You gotta love this time of year. Today I’m taking a look at Pharaoh’s Curse from 1957. Netflix actually has some decent Mummy movies available to stream like the classic Karloff film, but I figured I’d go with this one instead. It’s probably a bad ripoff, but I don’t care. Remember that I call the films as I see them. I shall commence hitting the X on my Playstation controller.
Oh, it’s MGM! I love that lion! United Artists again too! Bel-Air is also in on this one! Will Smith should be in this! Another great 50s title screen and we get neat hieroglyphics in the background. The music is great and terrible at the same time. It has a nifty Egyptian feel. So this guy is talking about something. His friend got his tongue cut out by something. I think he just said this movie takes place in 1902. I’m not quite sure what is going on at the moment. A war? Now this important mustached soldier is talking about an archaeological dig. He’s sending some guy to go. Mustache is sending some men with him and a woman who is a wife of some important guy. Her name is Sylvia Quentin.
Establishing shot and long shot of the desert! Woo! The three men are riding horses. The woman is with them too. Our leader is Captain Storm. Sylvia’s husband is Robert Quentin. I have no idea where he is. Storm is talking to Sylvia about him though. More horse riding! Slow horse riding! Now walking by the horses instead of riding them! Ew. The guy with a big beard just smashed a bug on his face. The two guys with Sylvia and Captain Storm are trying to get comfortable to sleep. I’m guessing they are comic relief? Maybe? Captain Storm is talking to Sylvia about her husband again. Storm is asking some personal questions about her husband and whether or not she is happy. She asks about his life and he doesn’t really answer.
Spooked horses! Strange woman! With a name like Simira, I wouldn’t trust her. She’s also traveled a long way by herself. Captain Storm even questions this. She’s looking for her brother named Numar. She should have been looking for Nimoy. Spock would be perfect for this film. Imagine a cast with Will Smith and Leonard Nimoy. Academy Award Winner? It’s the next morning. One of the horses is gone. The bearded guy wasn’t paying attention when it left. Maybe that Simira girl took it. Simira is just staring into the sky like a weirdo. Horseriding again! Simira is just walking behind them at a pretty quick pace. Was she not offered a ride? Perhaps she refused. I hope the horses got paid well for this film. Captain Storm actually does ask her to get on and she did refuse. She doesn’t lose strength. Lucky!
More food and water is disappearing. The names of these guys are Smolett and Gromley. Great names. Simira has been telling the men where to go, but Storm is not happy about this. He doesn’t want her telling them where to go. She believes her way is the best. She also strokes some kooky necklace. Scorpion! Scorpions are scary little buggers. I think it’s attacking Sylvia! It stung her! Smolett goes for the medical kit, but it is missing too along with Simira. Storm decides to suck the scorpion venom. It seems to have worked.
Next day. Simira is back. The two men don’t trust her. Sylvia is pretty sick and they don’t think she will make it. For some reason they let Simira lead the way now. It must have worked. The ended up at the tomb. Wait, I think these are different characters. Oh, one is Robert who is Sylvia’s husband. So Robert is opening up a tomb with a bunch of characters we don’t know. Simira is still walking with the people we do know. She says they are too late because Robert is opening the tomb. A mummy! It’s all wrapped up in bandages like you would expect. Some boy passed out or died right when Captain Storm came into the tomb.
Robert and Storm argue in a tent. Storm has orders to make Robert call off his expedition. The boy passed out. It turns out he is the sister of Simira. I guess that makes him Numar. Sylvia and Robert are talking. He wants her to pretend to be sick longer so they can stay and examine the tomb. He’s an asshole of a husband! Lol, she wants to leave him haha. Good! He’s a jerk! That answers Captain Storm’s questions from earlier. Sylvia didn’t like how Robert got so much into his work. What a shame! Robert is talking about all the great stuff he showed Sylvia. Sylvia believes he just wanted to show off his ego. Isn’t there a mummy in this film? Can we get to it? Robert throws in a quick shot at Storm while talking to Sylvia before leaving.
I zoned out. I think they were talking about the mummy or who the mummy used to be. Captain Storm finds Robert back in the tomb room. Robert tells Storm that the mummy is gone. Where could it have gone? Storm and Robert start wondering about Simira and Numar. Robert runs into their tent and throws Simira out of the way. He threatens Numar’s out cold body. His body is starting to age rapidly. He could be mummifying. I don’t have the faintest idea.
Someone or something walked up the hill and a guy was shooting at it. One of the horses has had all its blood sucked out which has made it flat. Unfortunate. Manhunt for mummy? Maybe I should be saying pharaoh. They sure are taking their time getting to this damn mummy. I think the mummy is out finally! It’s going to do something! It’s getting shot right now. It’s slowly coming towards him!!!! Dead! Down goes Gromley! It’s a bloodsucking mummy! Dracummy! So the mummy transferred his soul into Numar? Okay then. Now he wants to kill all who invaded his tomb. Captain Storm still isn’t quite buying it….or maybe he is. Hard to figure these guys out! Boo! More talking with Storm and Sylvia. I don’t care! More killings is what I want!
What is Storm doing? Finding hidden rooms? Okay. I guess that led to nowhere. Some other guy is also finding secret passageways. Who is this guy? What is his name? Is he going to survive the next five minutes? The answer to that question is no! He dead too. The mummy is kinda lame looking. He’s dressed in pajamas! I think they managed to cut an arm off of it. The mummy needs blood or it will turn to dust. Simira isn’t giving any answers. She doesn’t seem to care since she tried to warn them. What a bitch! More dreadful Sylvia and Storm scenes. Kill them, mummy! There’s a weird cat shadow going by Sylvia’s tent, but it’s really Simira. That Simira is a strange woman. Crazy cat lady! Reused shot of mummy on mountain? Lazy filmmakers! Maybe it wasn’t the same but who cares. Where is everyone? Are only Sylvia and the mummy around?
Sylvia SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, Smolett just happened to grab her. False scare! Sylvia tells everyone about the cat shadow since everyone is in the same room now. Robert is threatening to shoot a guy now to make a discovery or something. He even slaps the poor guy! Punches too! Oh fuck! Mummy behind him! Lol! Debris fell on Robert! Did it kill him? I think so. I can’t say I feel sorry for him. We see his feet like the Wicked Witch of the East. Yep, he’s dead! Sylvia seems mildly saddened by this. The French guy finds that cat necklace that Simira had on earlier. The group of men end up back at the coffin where it is closed now. Storm opens it and a mummy is inside. He takes off the bandages….and….and….and….it’s a mummified body. Poor Numar. So they question Simira and her catlike ways, but they say to ignore and pretend this never happened. Everyone died from natural causes would be their excuse. That sounds pretty fucking lame to me. More horses to end the film! The horses are the true stars of this one! The guy kept the cat necklace for those keeping score.
I didn’t like this one at all. It’s fucking boring! Our characters are pretty bland and uninteresting. Robert is probably the most entertaining since he’s an asshole who wants fame. That’s his motivation. Everyone else we don’t really know besides Sylvia wanting to get away from Robert. Simira made no sense to me. Why did she want the mummy to awaken? Did she want it to happen? Was she the reason for the scorpion stinging Sylvia? Was that scene even necessary? So many questions I have but maybe I should have paid more attention. I was too busy not giving a fuck. The mummy sucked pretty hard too. It was hardly around and it was lame when we actually got a good look at it. I don’t recommend this film. Go watch The Mummy instead.
Check out the past week of Halloween Havoc 2013!
- Mummy Found With Prostate Cancer Suggests Disease Is Genetic (theblaze.com)
- Halloween Havoc 2013 Day 7: The Man from Planet X (thegreatnodnarb.wordpress.com)
- Halloween Havoc 2013 Day 6: Invisible Invaders (thegreatnodnarb.wordpress.com)
- Halloween Havoc 2013 Day 5: Godzilla: King of the Monsters (thegreatnodnarb.wordpress.com)
- Halloween Havoc 2013 Day 4: The Ward (thegreatnodnarb.wordpress.com)
- Halloween Havoc 2013 Day 3: Attack of the Crab Monsters (thegreatnodnarb.wordpress.com)
- Halloween Havoc 2013 Day 2: Troll 2 (thegreatnodnarb.wordpress.com)
- Halloween Havoc 2013 Day 1: Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives (thegreatnodnarb.wordpress.com)