Ahh, Godzilla. Today, I figured it would be a fun time to watch a film of our favorite giant lizard. I’ll be honest. I have never really watched any of the Godzilla movies before. I’ve seen clips and parts of the films on television, but I have never actually bothered to watch one from start to finish before. It’s October though and October is the perfect time for monster movies. Netflix was nice enough to have this film on instant streaming. It’s the American version of Godzilla, but I can work with that. I’m ready to watch this shit. GODZILLAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!
I love that the first thing you hear sounds like loud footsteps. I love that title too. Damn! Poor Tokyo got torn to shreds. Sucks to be this poor guy on the ground. It’s Raymond Burr! He’s also narrating for us. He’s going by Steve Martin in this, and he is a foreign correspondent to the United States. It sure looks like he’s had a bad time. I bet Jimmy Stewart caused all that damage. That’s what you get for killing your wife, Thorwald! Go watch Rear Window if you haven’t. It’s a classic.
Steve Martin went to Tokyo for a social call. I’m guessing it was really a booty call. Cairo doesn’t have what old Steve Martin wants. Wait, his name is Steve Martin. Now I’m imagining the actor Steve Martin in this movie. This film is off to a great start already.
So I guess Godzilla has killed the fuck out of a shitload of people by this point. Godzilla isn’t nice like Power Rangers monsters who just attack the abandoned buildings district. Poor Steve Martin is in this hospital place. Luckily for him, he’s found a Japanese woman to talk to, but she seems to be dubbed over. They couldn’t get a Japanese woman to do that part. Maybe she wasn’t dubbed and I’m just imagining things.
Flashback! Martin narrates his trip to Tokyo, and the threat from beneath that is about to attack. Now we get the Japanese footage! Yay! Shit, their boat is already on fire. It sucks to be these Japs. Back to the Steve Martin show. He’s talking to some Japanese guys. One of them is a cop. I guess he has to give answers for killing his wife. Oops. Wrong movie again. The Japanese are asking him about his flight. Their flight might have seen something weird since everyone is being questioned that was on the flight. The Japanese officer tells Steve about the ship that got burned. I bet King Kong did it.
Some Japanese guys are talking and I guess our Japanese guy that speaks English is translating for Steve and the audience. I’m guessing this is Japanese footage and English footage spliced together. I love when that happens. Another ship just got burned. The Japanese aren’t having any luck at the moment. Steve is calling back to America about how eight ships have been obliterated with no survivors. God damn! A staggering death toll! Get the hell out of Tokyo, Steve! Oh, I already know he doesn’t since this is a flashback.
It looks like a ship did have survivors, but they died quickly from shock and strange burns. I’m glad I have Steve Martin to tell me everything that is going on in this film. A man named Dr. Yamane is about to speak. He seems important. I think he’s saying important things. I don’t know Japanese though. Thankfully, Steve Martin is there again to ask another Japanese guy what the good doctor is saying. Yamane wants people from Odo Island to be questioned. Okay then! Get those answers! These people have seen the fires at sea. They must know something! The people found a survivor!
Steve Martin is going to Odo Island now in a Heelacopter. That’s how he pronounced it. The survivor claims he saw a monster. Steve Martin makes a racist joke about that. Steve watches a ceremony on the island. A legend on the island claims there is a monster near the island that they used to sacrifice little girls to so they could appease it. They called this monster……GODZILLA! Fuck Yeah! The Odo folk claim that Godzilla is behind these attacks. It’s night out on Odo Island. Steve Martin is sleeping in some crappy tent as it rains. This place doesn’t seem too safe. All the buildings are shaking. I wouldn’t want to live here. Oh shit! Godzilla foot steps! I want to see the monster! The suspense is killing me. The Japanese are screaming their lungs out. Steve Martin is just getting rained on but he’s not showing any concern.
The next morning we are back in Tokyo. The natives are telling their stories and they still believe the whole Godzilla story. Dr. Yamane is talking now. He’s speaking in English for some reason. He’s also being poorly dubbed. They hide this by showing Steve Martin while he talks mostly. Steve does not seem to trust Dr. Yamane. Steve Martin talks to him after his speech. I’m guessing it’s not the same actor from the Japanese footage that is talking to Martin since they never show his face. It’s funny when they do that. I probably wouldn’t notice this stuff if I was like five. Mighty Morphin Power Rangers had me fooled for years doing those tricks.
Lots of scenes of Japanese guys. For some reason they are speaking English again. They already established they are speaking Japanese. No need for the poor dubbing. I guess they didn’t want Steve Martin explaining everything. Anyways, they found radioactive footprints. One guy touches the stuff in the footprint anyway, and he’s the one that told people to stay back. Haha, Steve was running and he stopped to adjust his tie for some reason. I don’t know why that made me laugh.
FUCK YEAH! Finally, we see some Godzilla! Awesome! This is what I’ve been waiting for the whole time! Steve Martin is about to shit his pants. He’s getting the fuck out of there. Run Japanese guys! Exposition on dinosaurs now by Dr. Yamane. Someone managed to take a picture of Godzilla. He’s over 400 feet tall according to Yamane. Damn. I wonder who that white guy behind Yamane is. Maybe he has a bigger role in the Japanese version. Yamane is telling us that Godzilla was resurrected because of hydrogen bombs. Same thing that brought us crab monsters. I would have watched a Godzilla vs. Crab Monsters movie. Get on it, Roger Corman!
Martin is calling back to America talking about Godzilla. He says the Japanese want to bomb Godzilla. They should just form a Megazord instead. We are introduced to another doctor in Dr. Serizawa and his love interest? I’m not sure. Why are they speaking English? Dubbing! I wonder if Steve Martin is going to get any scenes with Dr. Serizawa. I’m leaning towards a no even though he did have a phone call with him. Serizawa has a very big lab with a huge fish tank. I wonder why he has an eye patch. He did something to the fish tank, and his lady friend did not like what happened. Apparently Serizawa is keeping a secret from people, and his woman is keeping her mouth shut.
Lots of boat shots now. I would not be on those boats. I’d be on a plane to America. The Japanese are bombing the hell out of the water. I wonder how that will go. Oh, the girl is the daughter of Yamane. Yamane doesn’t want the monster to be destroyed. He wants Godzilla to be studied. The Japanese think the monster is dead from the bombings. They even decided to celebrate. How about finding a body first? I wouldn’t be celebrating on a boat. That’s moronic!
GODZILLA!!!!!!!!!!!!! He’s in Tokyo Harbor now. They pissed him off. The Japanese are rounding up the military. Godzilla is very slow though. We need Dr. Yamane to talk to his daughter instead while we wait. The alarms are sounding! That must be a Godzilla alarm! So the one girl named Emiko isn’t really with Dr. Serizawa but she’s with another guy. She couldn’t tell Serizawa about him. That whore!
The army is shooting at Godzilla. His head is peaking out above the water. He’s out of the water! He’s coming to wreck Tokyo! How dare you shoot at Godzilla! He’s going to wreck your city. Steve Martin looks displeased by this. Godzilla is going right for the power lines. All great slasher villains do that too. He also crushed a train. Jason Voorhees never did that. He was in a subway car once though. Lol, I love how Steve has like no reaction to any of this. He just looks slightly sad. I think Dr. Yamane just said something but his mouth didn’t move. Godzilla is leaving for the night. He just gave them a little taste.
I’d be on my flight out by now, but Steve Martin is dedicated to getting the story and smoking his pipe. The Japanese are developing a new plan. ELECTROCUTION!!!! That was the same plan used to kill the crab monsters in Attack of the Crab Monsters. It looks like some Japanese people are trying to retreat now. I’d be going to another island or something.
It’s night and everyone is off the streets now according to Steve. The media is going to watch to see what happens to Godzilla. Here he comes! Godzilla is rising out of the water again. Steve Martin is recording for a friend in Chicago. He’s talking right behind these Japanese guys watching. He would be annoying me if I was one of them. Godzilla is going to the electrical barrier. They are shooting at him and electrocuting him!!!! He’s knocking that shit down! Godzilla says fuck your electrical barriers. His breath is stronger than that shit! Tokyo is fucked! Time to burn this shit down! Use that breath, Godzilla! That’s a lot of fire!!!
Damn, he blew that fire right at those people. Torched them! Lol at the comical model car crashing. I love old special effects. CGI will never be cooler than that. Guy in a rubber suit is also greater than CGI monster. They are still shooting at Godzilla. It didn’t work the first hundred times. No idea why they are still trying. Godzilla destroys tanks even! Steve Martin once again does not seem pleased.
Godzilla is taking a joy ride through Tokyo. He’s smashing buildings and vehicles. He seems to be having fun. I would be. More fire breath! Tokyo is burning! Steve Martin is luckily on the other side of Tokyo at the moment. More shots to Godzilla. Some poor bastards are taking pictures on a tower. Down they go! He put their tower to the ground! He’s still smashing shit! Steve Martin is signing off! Godzilla is close to him now. Damn! The building got dropped right on him haha! I guess that’s how he got in that spot at the beginning of the film. I wonder why they didn’t dub this Japanese lady with her kids. Oh well. Pirate doctor Serizawa watches on in his lab. He seems sketchy. Dr. Yamane is also watching the destruction. Godzilla has been relentless.
Fighter planes are going at Godzilla now. He’s trying to swat them out of the sky. They seem to be having a bigger effect than before. Yamane looks to be shocked by the events. Next day we have people recovered in hospital wards. A shitload of people are injured or dead. Poor Steve Martin has bandages all over him. They might as well have put Raymond Burr in a Mummy movie.
Emiko is telling Steve Martin about what she saw in the lab. She says what she saw can help. Her poor dubbing is what really needs help haha. We see the scene from earlier where Serizawa was showing Emiko something in the tank. It’s now revealed to us that Dr. Serizawa has something that can turn all the fish to bones. They need to use that on Godzilla! This thing can turn all oxygen off in water that can destroy all things in water I guess. It seems like a good plan. They just need to convince Dr. Serizawa.
Emiko and Ogata (the guy I guess Emiko is with) confront Dr. Serizawa about his oxygen destroyer. Dr. Serizawa is angry about all this. He is fighting with Ogata and killing more fish in the process! He sure did kick Ogata’s ass. He busted him up. Maybe Dr. Serizawa should be a Japanese wrestler instead. Serizawa still refuses to use the oxygen destroyer. Ogata pleads that Godzilla must be stopped! They argue in poor dubbing, but I think Serizawa might be coming around.
National prayer time for the dead! You sing those prayers! Godzilla might make you eat them! Enough of that shit! It’s time to test the oxygen destroyer! Emiko is crying now. No idea why she did that. Maybe I should pay more attention. Steve Martin is back! They are going to place the weapon now. The divers are putting the oxygen destroyer into the water. All those poor innocent fish. Godzilla seems to be napping. I guess this is the perfect time to vaporize him. Lol at Serizawa being a diver with his eye patch.
Godzilla is awake! Those guys better get out of there. Ogata is the other diver. Serizawa is not coming up from the water! He’s fucked! Is he going to sacrifice himself to take out Godzilla? The oxygen destroyer seems to be working! Dr. Serizawa and his eye patch says fuck you to Godzilla! No clue why Serizawa is going the suicide route. He still had a chance to escape. I guess the pain of killing Godzilla was too much for him. Maybe he found out his woman was cheating on him too. I have no idea. Godzilla has been turned to a skeleton. What a shame! He had a good run! Godzilla is dead!!! Dr. Serizawa is dead too. He last said that he wanted Ogata and Emiko to be happy together. I guess he did know about them. He made the ultimate sacrifice though and he will never be forgotten!!!
That was a lot of fun! I should watch more of these films. I mean the human characters aren’t super interesting. The best part is watching Godzilla destroy everything. That’s the highlight of the film. I loved watching him wreck shit up. The plot is pretty simple and straightforward which works to its advantage. I liked the use of Raymond Burr as Steve Martin. He did a good job. The Japanese actors are probably better when you watch the Japanese version as opposed to the dubbed version here. I give this film a recommendation. Godzilla truly is the King of the Monsters. He’s awesome!
- Godzilla Teaser Shows You The Immense Scale of the Modern Version (rivalanimus.com)
- Halloween Havoc 2013 Day 4: The Ward (thegreatnodnarb.wordpress.com)
- Halloween Havoc 2013 Day 3: Attack of the Crab Monsters (thegreatnodnarb.wordpress.com)
- Halloween Havoc 2013 Day 2: Troll 2 (thegreatnodnarb.wordpress.com)
- Halloween Havoc 2013 Day 1: Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives (thegreatnodnarb.wordpress.com)